January 31, 2013-Still Remaining Hope

Good morning all,

I hope all is well with you. Allow me to update you on what I've been up to. I've been looking for different oppotunities. I am attempting to be more positive about things, even tho certain people try me. School has been relatively difficult but if its in the Lord's will, it will get better. I can barely get the car, my Ma seems to care more about my aunt getting to work. I am really tired of sharing a car. Its time for me to get my own. I am currently at my bestie house and I'm so glad to get breaks like this. I can do homework and chill, laugh, relax and all that good stuff but I know the peace will not last long. I've had enough of having to fight for everything. They won't let me sleep, work, homework, hell I can't chill with my boyfriend without somebody needing something. Well enough ranting for the day. I hope and pray to God that I can get my car soon. So when she call...I can just ignore the call. I love my family, but I will not take on responsibilities that have nothing to do with me. My aunt is a grown ass woman...and if she can't get her life together and figure out that she needs to buy her a car, then I could care less about it. Im not dealing with her...she not a problem to me. Ok enough lol.

Good day all,

TaraBug

January 27, 2013- Interesting Rant

Good evening all,

Hope all is well with whomever is reading this.

**DISCLAIMER**
This is indeed MY blog. If you have a different opinion, I respect that, but do not come at me offensively because age is nothing but a number and you will get dealt with accordingly. Thanks!

Now, as you know, I am 25. I have very overbearingly ole-skool parents. Do as I say not as I do, you never grow up to your parents, respect your elder even if they disrespect you (the one I hate with a burning passion), no shacking and all that bulls**t. So, I have a friend that works with one of my parents and my aunt. She being the grown ass woman that she is, she does not take none off of anyone. She will tell you whats on her mind and not give a damn later (that's why I love her!!).

My parent told me that my friend came up to her and said some things about my aunt. Now my aunt, she is one of those people who is too-much more than you would expect, she is super-duper extra in everything she does. Long story short, friend and aunt had words at work. Friend told parent about it and friend referred to aunt as a "thang" (that's what I was told). Surely she meant it, but parent didn't appreciate it.

 POINT: Why then would you come home and talk to me as if I called aunt something? Why then did you not say to her what you felt then? She is not a child and damn sure not your child, though you see her as one bc that's how "elders" think. She is indeed a grown-ass woman. Trust me, she can hold her own against ANYBODY!! I done seen it boo! Either way, I was not there, and to be quite honest, I could care less what she said bc aunt deserved what friend said to her. I respect my elders, I really do and so does she. But why do they think that it's ok to put their foot in their mouth and say something off the wall and it not get dealt with ADULT-STYLE? My Granny told me to respect my elders but she also said to give respect, you must give it. She also said to treat people the way you want to be treated. Her parents raised her differently than mines raised me and I do not blame her for defending herself against anybody who feels like they can just walk over her or talk to her any kind of way, elder or not. And the fact that she has NEVER disrespected anybody in my house in the 9000+ years we have been besties should tell you something. I knew it would come to this and I hate that parent tried to shove me in the middle of it, just bc she is my bestie. But whatever bc I love my friend and she ain't bout to change for NO-F**KING-BODY!! #POW and good day!

Good night all,

TaraBug

January 25, 2013-Questions of my Downtime

Good evening everyone,

Hope all is well with whomever decided to read this.

Anywho,

I did not get much sleep last night, due to my horrible habit of OVER-THINKING. I had a million questions flowing thru my head before I finally drifted off to sleep.

 The first was: Why do good people suffer so much and bad people always have the best of luck in everything? For example; Girl has many boyfriends (that give her everything) who don't know about one another. Obviously she is a hoe, but she ends up with a great guy, good job, nice car, etc. Damn near easy and carefree life. ME; hard-working...2 degrees but no job. I love my current boyfriend, I don't mistreat him. Yet its so hard for us to just have an hour alone without somebody wanting something completely irrelevant to us. Unique family, yet, my own blood makes me sometimes question their loyalty. Why the hell is shit so damn hard for people who are genuine and want to see good in everything? 

The next was: Why am I in school if this damn Bachelor's is not getting me anywhere? It's people that don't have degrees, but they have at least half decent jobs. The Master's that I am in school for...is it going to be just to say I have it? This type of mess makes me wanna say damn school if its not getting me anything but student loans that won't get paid if I don't have a damn job. 

I know, I know. You want me to pray and I do A LOT. I sometimes feel like, why bother? I guess my faith is wearing extremely thin and I am in such a negative environment that I don't know how to pull myself out of this funk. I have never hated anybody. However, I think it's safe to say somebody is borderline. I swear the shit I deal with is going to be the death of my spirit if I don't do something. I'm tired of crying, praying, being angry, physically tired, mentally drained and feeling like I amount to nothing. Oh well, I guess I need to pray some more.

Good night all,

TaraBug

January 18, 2013-Rebuilding My Spirit

Good Afternoon all,

I've been sick for the last two weeks with a head cold and then tonsillitis (bummer!) so I am getting my system back on track. I have been seriously neglecting my water (I been drinking coffee, tea, and the packet drink mixes) so I must get back on that ASAP. Emergen-C, Multivitamins, sleep (more like medicinal coma), DayQuil, NyQuil, ibuprofen were the reason I feel good today; I'm like 90% today.

In those days, I reflected on what I would like to accomplish this year. I thought about the mess, mistreatment, and drama I have been putting up with, and I am pretty much done with it. My cousin told me something, that all my besties have been telling me, "You need to start standing up for yourself. Your parents don't run everything. Hell If you wanna do something, do it." For some reason, it clicked. He is right (they all were right!) and I have just been settling for the bullshit without having anything to say about it. I have been bullied and I am very embarrassed to say the least, that I allowed this to happen to me. I am 25 and I don't have anything, with the exception of my degrees, to show for it. My problem is that I care too much. I no longer care about the well-being of anyone who didn't give my feelings any thought. I have given blood, sweat and tears (and MONEY) to these people and for what, absolutely nothing. So my next move is to cleanse my spirit of the fear of guilt if I don't do something for them. I pretty much gotta get some "fxck it" in my system in order to be able to stand on my own two feet!

On this journey, I know I will have the help and encouragement of my baby mamas, my lovely boyfriend, and other vessels of encouragement. Also, prayer is leading all this warrior-ship I embark upon. Keep me in your prayers and have a great and safe day in this cold weather.

Blessings,

TaraBug, Reinvented

January 11, 2013- Minor Frustrations

Good evening all, 

My computer is sick :-( ! So I am using my brother's PC. It's old and slow, but dammit it's all we have right now so I'm content with being able to use it. Yesterday I purchased a liquid foundation that makes me look as if I am doing blackface makeup. The finish is beautiful, with the pressed powder, which was in the correct shade. It was the Covergirl Queen Liquid Foundation in "True Ebony". Its obvious that I am not that dark so I am a little dismayed by that. I am going to look for another lighter foundation to brighten it up or just toss it and find my correct shade.  

As you know, I attend Jackson State University. They have this program dubbed "Supercard" where you can add up to $1000 to assist you with various items (books, personal items, car repairs, apparel, food, etc.) at participating vendors. Now, we have new drugstore vendors, CVS Pharmacy. Exciting?! Hell no. I purchased a Green Dot money pack from there and they let me, but when I went back yesterday, they put a quick stop to that. I am a broke ass college student attempting to make it happen. They will make it as difficult as possible to do things easily that will help us. Anywho, CVS has amazing products, but you do know why the people (well, some of them) who are fortunate to have damn good paying jobs shop there right? Good, because their products are waaaaay to damn expensive! So I will just have to find another way to get my computer fixed. I was going to get a tablet, but I need to save the remaining for: GAS!! Class starts (for me) Monday at 4pm. Yeah its kind of a way from where I live to where I attend class at.

So I am quite frustrated, but you know what. Things could be worse. I have a classmate who lost her Grandmother today, and she is dealing with it like a champ (Love you Shandra!!) so my little problems are definitely minor. I am still waiting for my packages to come in the mail, so I am still excited about that. I do, however, need to de-sober myself just a tad LOL. 

***For the record, I do NOT drink often and when I drink, its always mixed with something and in a normal amount. I DO NOT DRIVE!!!**

I hope everyone has had a great day!!! Stay strong Shandra, and anyone else out there who is grieving the loss of a loved one.

Blessings,

TaraBug

January 9, 2013- My "100 in a Year" List Update

Okay this is my last post of the day...

I want to update my readers on my list so far. Even though we're only 9 days into the new year, I have been crossing some things off. I am also considering changing somethings that may prove to be too much for me. So...all in all, the list can definitely be improvised.

1.  I'm working on my cursing, and while some things, such as this morning's situation, may prompt me to be a little potty-mouthed woman, I am most definitely working on it.
2.  Another thing I am doing is working on my skin. I tend to fall asleep at night, wake up late in the day, and just wash my face with a warm towel, brush my teeth...etc, and go on getting ready for my day.
3. My natural nails are growing, but I do want them to be longer than they have normally been growing. One of my list items that will be changing, polishing my nails EVERY week. So if I can steal an hour on the day that my Mom goes to get her hair done, they will have time to set and look pretty.
4. I have been praying like no other (lol) however I have been slacking on my bible readings. I need to do better because I have the Bible app on my phone!!

For the night though, I am away on a refreshing getaway so I'm done for right now. Good night all and please be safe in this mayhem and weather sweeping across the country.

Blessings, 

TaraBug

January 9, 2013-Still Striving, Still Struggling

Today was sorta rough, but since God has hand-picked some of his best angels to send me, I knew he heard my cry. After cooling my spirit down after my lovely mother (and I meant that from the heart) came in my room and woke me up with some unnecessary foolishness. So I prayed and claimed a good day in the Name of Jesus. So as of now, I am sitting on my friend's couch with her, typing this blog and getting her into the blogging spirit. I can always depend on her to rescue me from a day that has been rough or seems to be getting rougher by the moment.

My 25th birthday was Sunday (January 6) and I actually had a great day. I seen one of my besties and while I wanted to see my others, I still had a great day. I was able to see my loved one and eat cookies-and-cream ice cream until I was satisfied. I have made a promise to myself to, every year, get myself a present. I already ordered it and I will post pics of my birthday and my present to me from me later!!

I am preparing myself to go back to school and I am trying to stay on the right track. Though its hard, though my surroundings make it nearly impossible to focus, though I want to quit sometimes because of the lack of respect, support and the constant mess, I WILL NOT be defeated because I have worked too hard to get where I am, I have goals and I will reach them. In the name of Jesus. Amen. 

Now that my prayer is out of the way, on to the fun stuff. I am eagerly awaiting a package in the mail from my bestie, Brit. She got me and my brother presents and I cannot wait until I see what they are. Also, I am starting to pay more attention to my hair. I'm looking forward to beginning a new hair and skin regimen. While, I don't wear a full face of makeup everyday, I do try to cutesy myself up a little by wearing some eyeshadow and maybe lipstick and tinted lip gloss. I pray that everything works out good. Enough rambling...have a great night everyone. 

Blessings, 

TaraBug

January 4, 2013-Walk With Me Through 2012

Happy Friday All,

I am feeling better and trying to figure out what to do for my 25th birthday, which is in 2 days (January 6; Sunday!!) However, for right now, I'm in a reflection period of the year, to remember how I got to the stage I'm in now. Stroll with me, will you? Let's Go!

The highlight of my year was in April 2012, when I graduated CUM LAUDE from my beloved HBCU, Jackson State University! Yes, I earned my Bachelor's of Science degree in Mass Communications. The months leading up to this moment were stressful; exit interviews, finals, papers, projects, work-study (AAAH!) and family issues. 

The summer afterwards was hell, pure hell. I was constantly arguing with my parents about me finding a job. It wasn't like I wasn't trying, but they were not buying that. The constant job applications, emails saying they found a better suited candidate for the job and all that were the reason for my depression this summer. On Top of all of that, my aunt from California moved home and I was then deported from my room (against my will of course). Let's just say she values the life of animals more than the life of the people who are responsible for her comfortable lifestyle after moving home or otherwise being homeless. I do not like nasty people (she is), I do not care for snobby people (she is) and I do not take kindly to people talking stupid to my family (yeah, you get it). So there I was, sharing a room with my brother, getting yelled at for any and everything, and literally losing my mind. School started back in the Fall and I have never been that damn happy about going to class. All I could do was cry, cry, cry, stay to myself or get away as much as possible, and PRAY, PRAY, PRAY and did I mention how much I prayed!?

My besties moved away, which are two of my most cherished people God has ever sent to me. My bestie MeMe, got married and moved to Ridgeland. My bestie Britt, got engaged and moved to Hattiesburg. Now I know you're like "Girl you can go see them when you want to." No. They both work full-time and I was without a job or a car so you could imagine the violent thoughts I was having. To make matters worse, my boyfriend lives on the other side of the city and just like me, he was experiencing some hardship in life too. So you see, I am a master of  "smile so nobody will think to ask questions". 

However, I prayed about this so God didn't come on my time, but he came. I somehow found the will to hold my head up and let this shit go. I still don't have a job, however, if the Lord says the same, I will be getting a car this semester and I will be able to move about as I seek fit, because trust me, sharing a car with someone (who happens to be your mother) is like puling hair from your legs one at a time. And, If the Lord blesses me again, I will be living in my own space in the Fall Semester of 2013. So that's a snippet of the Hell of 2012. Thanks for walking with me, feel free to fix you another drink because I already got me one. 

Blessings, 

TaraBug

January 2, 2013-New Year, Better Me

Good Afternoon all,

I would have done this yesterday but I was a little under the weather. Nothing a little Dayquil, Nyquil and Zyrtec can't fix. I will be posting a YT Video on my Cold and Flu Season Prep Kit and Tips so stay tuned for that. Anywho, I finally finished my "100 In a Year Goal" list. These goals are realistic and I have actually started to cross some of them off the list (Go TaraBug!). So, without further adieu, here it is!!

***DISCLAIMER*** 
These are MY personal goals that I think I want to accomplish. Don't judge me because I may have some things that some may think are silly or irrelevant or whatever. Screw that because this is MY blog and you are free to click the X in the top right hand corner. Thanks!!

1. Start a blog
2. Get a new hairstyle
3. go fishing
4. learn to drive on the interstate 
5. Get my OWN car
6. Get a job
7. learn sign language
8. save $5 to $10 monthly
9. start a recipe book of my mom's home cooking
10. start writing my parents' memoir
11. go to a strip club
12. work on my skin
13. stop cursing (so much)
14. Find a church home
15. Send a letter to my uncle in San Diego
16. Have a romantic picnic
17. Have a family Picnic
18. Have a sleepover
19. Contact my Father
20. Go To Las Vegas (Again)
21. Visit my cousin in Ohio 
22. Pray twice a day
23. Read 1 bible chapter a day (2/365)
24. Purchase a gun
25. Grow my natural nails 
26. Grow my hair to shoulder blade length (I have Relaxed hair)
27. Get my computer fixed OR Purchase a New one
28. Get a Tablet PC
29. Have a spa day
30. lose 10 pounds
31. have a Bar-B-Que
32. Get an apartment
33. Make a quilt
34. make a scrapbook
35. learn to braid
36. make a video for mothers day/fathers day and my loved ones birthdays
37. Attend a pole dancing class (YIKES) 
38. Record a rap song (LOL)
39. Get a camcorder
40. Do some Makeup Tutorials
41. Learn to walk in stilettos
42. Go to a ballet
43. Go thrift shopping
44. Create 12 foods and beverages from Allrecipes.com (0/12)
45. Custom-build a vanity
46. Do one (AND ONLY ONE) Makeup haul
47. Taste an expensive fine wine
48. Make a pecan pie (MY FAVE) 
49. Take a weekend trip to New Orleans
50. Make some pottery
51. Purchase/Download all 6 seasons of Sex and the City and Noah's Arc
52. Drink 32 ounces of H2o a day (2/365)
53. Start my Fitness pal back
54. Buy a game system (Wii or PS3)
55. Fly in an airplane
56. Publish more YT videos
57. Attend a concert
58. Write an erotic e-book
59. Have Breakfast on the reservoir 
60. Donate Blood
61. Get the dragon software
62. Go to the beach
63. Do Karaoke
64. Visit a fancy restaurant
65. Make oatmeal cookies
66. Go to a symphony
67. Custom make some candy
68. Have a DO NOTHING Day
69. Start a hair journal
70. Do yoga once a month (0/12)
71. Donate to a charity
72. Do a charity run/walk
73. attend a jazz concert
74. buy/make a Halloween costume
75. have a NAKED Day
76. learn to play chess
77. work on my math
78. learn to knit
79. fill my piggy bank with loose change
80. Try 10 new food (0/10)
81. learn to change a tire
82. Buy an expensive perfume
83. Have a Brother Sister Date
84. Visit my bestie in Hattiesburg
85. Visit my bestie in Raymond
86. Write a letter to my Late Grandmother (RIP GRANNY)
87. Watch 12 old movies(0/12)
88. go ice skating
89. get a check-up every 6 months
90. face my fear of heights and lightening
91. learn 12 Chinese Words
92. plant my favorite flower or tree
93. Make my besties cupcakes for their Birthdays
94. Wear a color that I don't like
95. Try 12 new ice cream flavors (0/12)
96. Make my own ice cream
97. Have a "Tara and Curtis" day once a month (0/12)
98. Do a facial masque once a month (0/12)
99. Get more JSU Apparel (Go TIGERS!!)
100. Learn to play spades

There it is and I challenge you (YES, YOU) to do this. You will be surprised how many of these things you find you want to do. Also, anyone who does this challenge please send me a link or a message, I would love to see others' 100 in a Year lists. Thank you and remember, this is YOUR list. Do not allow yourself to get discouraged by some haters that think this idea is stupid, they are just to lazy or too afraid to do it themselves. You are the only one that can improve or change yourself. DO IT, YOU CAN DO IT. 

Blessings,

TaraBug 

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